It’s taken me quite some time to write this blog.
I think its because my mind is still trying to understand what’s happened this past month.
Shortly after I had my appendix removed it was decided I should fly home for a couple of weeks to recover.
The rest of my squad would endure 32+ hours on a bus and 22+ hours hopping planes to get to the Philippines.
Being home was great.
It was full of Christgiving (Christmas and Thanksgiving smashed into one…get it? Mom’s invention right there, gold star for you Kath.)
I read by the fire.
Ate yummy food.
Watched movies and ate popcorn.
Soaked in the hot tub.
Ate more food.
Had a haircut and pedicure.
Saw family and old friends.
Snuggled with my cat.
More food.
Decorated for Christmas.
Watched mom cook.
Watched dad walk laps.
Enjoyed hot showers as opposed to icy cold ones.
Had conversations about life, religion, and politics. (All that good deep stuff)
Indulged in tickle fights.
Ate a lot of food.
You get the picture…
I rested, I relaxed, I recovered.
A little R&R….&R if you will.
But this wasn’t supposed to happen.
When I left at the end of August I was leaving for 9 months.
This was unplanned.
Unpredicted.
Unexpected.
So when I had said goodbye to my squad…
And made my way to the airport…
And was finally landing in Atlanta where my mom would meet me…
Tears swelled up in my eyes.
Although the colors of Fall were inviting, the oranges, yellows, and reds of the trees,
I couldn’t help but feel a deep sadness, an ache in my heart.
I’m sure the guy sitting next to me on the plane was very confused on why I was a blubbery mess all of the sudden.
But when you live with 54 people for 3 months…
They become your family.
And now I was separated from that family.
And I felt lonely…I felt empty.
But God kept telling me to be present where He had me.
This was hard.
In these first few months I had changed.
I don’t just mean that my table manners had disappeared…
Or that I didn’t understand the concept of a ‘napkin’ or ‘paper towel’…
Or that I considered a filthy, stained-with-God-knows-what, pillow a luxury item…
Or even that I lived by the motto, “If its yellow let it mellow, if its brown flush it down.”
But the things I believed in had changed.
Things I believed about myself had changed.
Priorities were different.
Things that used to matter didn’t.
Things I used to desire had vanished from my radar.
My relationship with God had grown into so much more than just a prayer whenever I happened to remember.
I was His beloved.
And I believed it.
He wanted to romance me.
And I let Him.
This made interacting with old friends very difficult.
This made old relationships hard to rekindle.
So God had me thinking,
“What kind of impression am I making?”
“Do they see the change in me?”
“Do they see God in my change?”
“How am I leaving this place, this conversation, this relationship?”
This brought me back to something God was teaching me awhile ago…
Do I truly live out my faith in every reaction? Every interaction? In everything I do?
Is my faith a part of who I am?
Is yours?
Is it something I just turn on when it’s convenient?
Do you?
Today was one of THOSE days.
You know ladies…(and some of you men.)
You’re just emotional.
Anything and everything will make you cry.
One of those days where as soon as someone looks at you and simply asks, “Are you okay?” You fall apart and weep.
Maybe because God’s been putting a lot of heavy things on my heart lately…
I think it also had something to do with jet-lag and lack of sleep….
But after a couple very lonely plane rides I finally rejoined my team in the Philippines.
We’re living with one of the other all girl teams.
Twelve of us living in a home called the Jaz or Angels Home…
…a place for about 30 girls who are victims of sexual abuse.
I had been here for about 3 days and still hadn’t seen the rest of the squad since Guatemala.
However, tonight we had worship…
And I was reunited, on this emotional day, with the rest of my family.
During worship about all I could do was cry
Because I was so dang thankful for these people…this community.
And then I realized how lucky I truly was…
And I was thankful for going home.
For yummy food, hot showers, hot tubs, warm beds, and good conversation.
For a good momma and papa.
Thankful for all the people, ones I knew and those who I didn’t, that prayed over my surgery and recovery.
But even more than that I was thankful for so much love.
I was thankful for the unconditional, never-ending, ginormous love of Jesus.
And we’re lucky enough to receive that love…
Do we really realize how lucky we are?
